Confessions of a Goddess
by theunknownvoice
Summary: When Akito learns about Arisa she begins to question her relationship with Kureno.


**Confessions of a Goddess**

By: theunknownvoice

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.

It was today that I heard that name. From the moment I heard the rumors circling, I had to know what was really going on. Servants talk more than they think they do. They think they are silent and that they keep the secrets of the house. They can hide nothing from me.

I am the master of this family. I am the leader of the Jyunishi. It will never let them go. But of all of them he is the most dear to me. I would let the others go to only keep him with me. It was him that my wrecked heart sought with all love and hope. How dare someone try to take him from me!

I would never tell him that I need him. I know I torture him. I do not let him be with the others. They would turn him against me. They would make him leave me.

It is strange that I should favor one such as him. He is quiet and loyal. He is calm and kind.When he is with me I know he is focused solely on me but lately his mind has been wondering. I have seen his small sad smiles. He says nothing when he comes to my rooms. I miss his soft, "Good morning Akito-san." Now he is silent and stoic. His smile has all but disappeared from his face. His eyes darken and contain a sadness.

It is strange to see him this way. He is not cheerful nor does he smile that small smile that only I see. Does he not know how much I miss his smile? I hear the sorrow in his voice.

I can not be tender with him when I see him this way. My rage boils over in me. I beat on him and scream at him. I bar him from my quarters and force into isolation. I punish him but depriving him of everything. I keep him locked in a cage. All the while I only want to know why he is not happy. He will tell me nothing and his eyes still scream of sadness.

Servants have quick tongues. They speak so often and think me too stupid to realize what they are saying. The maids whisper of secrets.

"I heard that he went out a few weeks ago."

"He never leaves the house."

"Apparently he had the day off."

"Where'd he go?"

"A convenience store."

"I heard that the Honda girl was here to talk to him."

"She gave him her friend's phone number. I heard them in the garden."

My ears burned as I heard mention of that girl. Tohru Honda was turning my Jyunishi away from me. Now she had tried to take away the one I loved most.

**I WILL NOT LET HER HAVE HIM. LET HER HAVE THE OTHERS. LET HER HAVE THE DAMNED CAT. LET HER TAKE EVERYONE ELSE BUT HE IS MINE. HE IS MINE. I WILL NOT LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE TAKE HIM FROM ME.**

I had my favorites. It was obvious and I made no effort to hide it. I preferred the company of the older Jyunishi to the younger ones. It was childhood that made me love them best. When I was a child it was just the five of us: Kureno, Shigure, Hatori, Ayame, and me. They would play with me for hours. I was their God, their Goddess, and they worshiped me. They played games with me as if they were paying me homage. My room was their alter. The gifts they brought me their sacrifices.

Their undying devotion to me had made them my favorites. Even as adults I loved them best. I cared next to nothing for the younger ones except for Yuki. I loved Yuki because his brother was among my favorites. The boy himself did not matter to me. It was his connection to Ayame that drew me to him.

These four were never to desert me. Anger, and jealousy had made me guard them harshly. I remember when Hatori asked for my permission to marry Kana. How dare he try to leave me? I was more important than that tramp would ever be. She was unworthy of him. How dare she take away the man I called brother? I would not loose the oldest of my favorites.

In my madness and anger I lashed out on him. The whip cracked several times but I did not see where I hit. Blinded by rage and the desire to punish him, I beat him.

_"If he goes blind, Kana, it is your fault," _I shrieked when I came back to my senses.

Kana could not save his sight. She could not help him. She began to go mad and I made Hatori erase her memory. He did it without fighting for the woman he loved. From then on it was as if I had lost him. My dragon would not return to me.

After that I gave Shigure and Ayame permission to leave this house. I shouldn't have allowed distance between me and them but I could not live with myself if I hurt them like I hade hurt Hatori. I had broken Hatori's spirit and lost him in the process. I was determined not loose them.

Shigure would always come running back like a dog loyal to its master. He visited often frequently telling me of his and the others doings. He thought he was using me but in reality it was I who was manipulating him. I knew of his love for me and I did things to keep him delusional. I made promises and confessed things to keep the Dog near me. He believed I loved him deeply but in truth I didn't want to loose him. I could not loose another person.

Ayame was different from the beginning. He was outlandish and had an air of confidence that I so dearly wanted. Ayame could make me smile with his stupidity. It was his craziness that drew me to Ayame. He comes to me often to visit. It was Ayame who made me a beautiful silk kimono and begged me to wear it for him and the other three. I heard the gasps when I came out looking more as a woman than I had in a long time. I was surprised I even dared to dress up like that. For a moment it was as if they loved me.

That delusion was shattered by Tohru Honda. Her bright laughter and sunshiny ways had gained her their love and adoration. Three of the most important people in my life had turned away from me. Tohru could heal the broken bruises on their souls. She could fix the scars that I had given them to bind them to me. She could get them to love her with her clumsy ways and smile. She was a light to them while I was a dark shadow looming over their lives.

I turned my attention back to the maids. The gossipy trio didn't know that I was listening to them, foolish women.

"They say he might be in love with one of Honda-san's friends."

"What's the girl's name?"

"Arisa ."

My heart froze at their words. It was love. Another female had appeared on the scene desperately wanting the heart of one of my Jyunishi. The last one of my precious four would soon be taken from me. Kureno, as a child he was my favorite. He still is but not for the same reasons.

Back then he was my protector and friend. It was Kureno who hid me from my mother. It was Kureno who went with me to visit my father's grave. My little sparrow whose curse had been broken had chosen to remain with me. He was the rooster among my Jyunishi. I had almost lost him once before. I would not loose him now/

I remember feeling empty when his curse was broken. I wept for him and for myself. He would never spread his wings and fly again. He would never embrace the brilliant sky and travel towards the horizon. Then it hit me what breaking the curse really meant.

He would leave me. He would live his own life. He did not need me. I wept more at the thought of loosing my favorite. I did not want reliquish him to the world. He belonged to me. The world did not have any right to him.

But he didn't leave me. He pitied me in my tears. He chose to stay with me. He bound himself to me with a promise. He remained mine though he was free. My sparrow, my rooster, my favorite, surrendered his freedom to remain with me.

I did not listen to maids any longer. I demanded that Hatori drive me to go see the high school. I could see him hesitate but he did what I commanded.

"Stay in the car," I ordered as I wandered the campus.

It was lunchtime when I came upon the little group. I could see the Honda girl, four of my Jyunishi, and two girls eating lunch. The smaller of the two girls was of dark hair and eyes. She had her fingernails painted black. She did not interest me much.

I stared at the blond. Her eyebrows were shaved. I could tell that she had once been in a street gang. Surely she could not be this Arisa I had heard about?

"How is work Uo-chan?" the Honda girl chirped happily.

"The convience store hasn't been busy lately," the blond answered.

I gazed at this girl who had bewitched my beloved favorite. Slowly I came out of the shadows. I turned to face them. I saw the blood drain out of Yuki and other Jyunishi's faces.

"I WILL NOT LET YOU HAVE HIM, UNDERSTAND ME GIRL? HE IS MINE. I WILL NOT LET HIM LEAVE ME. I WILL NOT LOOSE HIM," I screamed at the blond.

I moved to hit her when I felt strong arms grab me. Hatori dragged me back to the car as I continued me tirade.

"DO NOT GO NEAR HIM. DO NOT SPEAK TO HIM. HE IS MINE. HE IS MINE. I WILL NOT LET A BITCH LIKE YOU TAKE HIM FROM ME. I WILL NOT LET SOMEONE SO UNWORTHY OF HIM TAKE HIM FROM ME."

Hatori made me lie down when we returned home. Once he was gone I stood up. In my anger I shattered everything in my room. I destroyed the bottles of perfume and bath scent I had. I broke the screens, the cot, the windows, and everything that I could. When I was finished my eyes were red rimmed from me tears, my voice was hoarse and my hands bloodied. I sat among the rubble crying.

Strong arms pulled me out of the room. I felt the tranquailizer take affect as I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up alone in Kureno's room. His bedroom was so near mine. I could not bear to have him not near me. I gazed at his blank white walls.

Was my home so much a prison to him? Did he stay only out of pity? Did he not know I loved him so bitterly? I was happiest with my rooster than with anyone else. I was happiest with his arms wrapped around me.

I loved everything about him. I loved how his eyes sometimes flashed with anger. I loved the beauty of his blood dripping down his arms. I loved his smell when he came in from the garden. I loved his soft smile and the light in his eyes. I loved him when he was broken, and when he was whole.

He was all I ever wanted. I wanted his heart, his soul, his mind, and his body. I wanted everything that was him, that had been him, and that would be him. I wanted him chained to me for the remainder of time.

I was broken from my thoughts by the sound of his footsteps. Only he would come to check on me. He feared my anger but he was the only one brave enough to dare face me when I was at the height of rage. He knelt a few feet away from me. His red hair, the color of autumn leaves, fell forward in his eyes.

I rose from my mat slowly. Tenderly I caressed his head and ran my fingers through his hair. I loved this man so dearly but he did not love me. Love is a weakness but I still felt it for him. I felt so many things for him. I felt betrayal at thought that this Arisa would take him from me. She would have his love while I had only his loyalty. I felt anger at him for associating with this girl. Did he not think of me? I felt hatred towards Arisa. I wanted her death but I could not destroy something that made him happy. I felt fear that he would leave.

But mostly what I felt was love. I wanted him of all of the Jyunishi to be happy. I wanted to see him smile again. I wanted hear his soft voice speak without a hint of sadness.

"Akito-san?" he asked shocked as I continued exploring his face with my fingers. It had been years since I touch him so gently. My beloved rooster watched me so closely wondering if he was dreaming or if I was manipulating him. I touched his lips. They were so soft, so unused.

Gently a kissed him. Part of me expected rejection but instead I found a warm kiss. He pulled me closer to him.

"Please love me," I begged him. "Please let me know what it is like to be with you."

Hours passed and the next morning, I woke up with my naked body curled into his. I stroked his hair gently. He had done what I asked but I didn't know why. Was it all obligation? Was it pity? Dare I hope it was because he loved me?

"Will you leave me?" I asked as his eyes fluttered open still stroking his hair.

My heart screamed for him to stay. I would let him go if he asked. I would let him go to this Arisa and be happy. I would let him have what he wanted because I loved him.

"I gave my word not to," he answered calmly.

I hadn't expected him to answer in such a way.

"What about Arisa?" I asked.

He turned white at the name but said nothing.

"Go to her," I said my heart breaking.

His dark eyes gazed at me. "Why would I break my word?"

"You love her that is reason enough. These walls are a prison to you. I do not wish to keep you here chained and unhappy."

"I will not leave you. I do not love her."

My heart rejoiced at his words. I reached over and kissed him again. I would not ask him if he loved me. For now it was enough that he would stay. I nestled into him and began to fall back asleep.

I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispered in my ears as I fell asleep.

I smiled. I had not lost him after all.

The End


End file.
